One of the many joys of travel is collecting mementos from all the amazing places you’ve been to, to remember them by. And yet, there are so many dire souvenirs being hawked on every corner – tacky trinkets from tourist traps that incur near-instant regret. Even those with normally good taste aren’t immune to the lure of the worst souvenirs you can buy around the world. Don’t fall for it! Just steer clear of anything on this list and you’re golden.

UK

Stonehenge Snowglobe

Photo by Dark Dwarf

What’s better than Stonehenge? Stonehenge in miniature version with lashings of glitter and cute cuddly animals. Glad you asked.

Royal Family Face Masks

Photo by Amazon

Fascination with royals can go beyond creepy, like in case of these face masks.

Royal condoms

Photo by Crown Jewels

But wait, there’s more! Hello, crown jewels. Lie back and think of England, indeed.

Tube Map Undies

Photo by TFL

Underground,it might be the oldest subterranean system in the world and an incredible feat in engineering, however this is taking it a little bit far. Of all the places to carry around a map, this doesn’t seem the most practical, either.

USA

Canned Fog – California

Photo by Fogtastic

Fog, after all, is San Francisco’s defining characteristic. If you’ve got room in your luggage for what amounts to a can of air, I salute you.

Lobster Hat – Massachusetts

Photo by Joshua Ganderson

Tasty as they are, lobster rolls don’t keep all that long. Red lobster hats, on the other hand…

Niagara Falls Water

Photo by Paull Young

Not just any old H20! Nope, this is water that’s miraculously survived a plunge over the falls.

Turd Burds

Photo by Cactus Records and Gifts

They rose to fame in the 70s and still have a bit of kitschy je ne sais quoi about them. Who would ever have guessed that a bit of dung, pipe cleaner and googly eyes might capture travellers’ hearts like this?

ASIA

Poop Accessories – Japan

Photo by Strapya World

Fancy one of these trinkets for your cell phone? They’re a charm for good fortune and come in a bewildering array of versions in terms of size and style. But it’s hard to look past the golden turds in an actual toilet bowl.

Wooden Phalluses – Bali

Photo by Remon Rijper

These oddities are found almost everywhere – some with practical appendages, some just purely decorative carvings. Traditionally, they’re also considered a good luck symbol.

Sky Tree sunglasses – Japan

Photo by youkaine

This leaves only one question: Why?

EUROPE

Eiffel Cower – France

Photo by Lisa

Thought those ubiquitous miniature Eiffel Towers were silly? You haven’t seen the Eiffel Cower – a totally bizarre bovine doodad.

Clinton Nesting Dolls – Russia

Photo by The Russian Store

He’ll never live it down, will he? This set of Russian nesting dolls houses Clinton’s conquests, immortalised forever.

Dracula mugs – Transylvania

Photo by american_rugbier

Fancy sipping your morning coffee from a vampirical mug? Didn’t think so.

Michelangelo David shorts – Italy

Photo by David Shorts

Michelangelo is probably turning in his grave right now. Cringe.

AUSTRALIA

Stuffed Cane Toad

Photo by John Skewes

The pride and joy of the sunshine state? As souvenirs go, stuffed amphibians aren’t usually at the top of anyone’s list.

Kangaroo Scrotum

Photo by Mark Ehr

Finally, keeping it classy… Yep, you can pick up a kangaroo scrotum pouch, or perhaps even one with a bottle opener attached.